I Control the Weather

It is raining outside right now and I know why. Scientists may try to feed you some cock and bull story about low pressure systems and high pressure systems, warm air, cold air, and the Jet stream. I know that to be nonsense.

The ancient Greeks believed Winter was caused when Persephone, the embodiment of fertility spent a mandatory six months in the underworld every year part of an arrangement with Hades who had tricked her into marrying him. When she was above ground everything was warm and nice, when she was underground everything was cold and dead. Apparently I am the cause of a similar phenomenon.

When I am at work, shackled to various electronic devices under dim flickering flourescent lights the sun shines outside in a beautiful cloudless azure sky. Birds sing and flowers bloom so long as I dwell in a joyless catacomb of aging office furniture. On the those rare occasions that I am allowed out of the prison of my livelihood clouds gather and the sun flees the sky specifically to avoid me.

I don’t know if the story of Persephone is true. It does sound a bit far fetched, but I have never been to Greece. I do know that around here at least, I make the weather.

My Week Off in November